Whats the glycemic index on semen?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
