i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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