The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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