She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
