Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
