it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
