does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize