Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Couch. On fire.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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