remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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