She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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