so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
