just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
