You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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