I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize