Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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