considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
