We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
how drunk are you?
Several
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
