The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Im part way to drunk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
