And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
