see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's just like the Real World with babies
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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