if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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