so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
