i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Reggie can tackle my bush.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
