i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
