its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
