Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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