when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
