How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
