I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
