Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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