walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
