How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
