Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
