I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
