I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
