I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
