Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
