My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
