i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
