hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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