butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
