you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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