I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize