i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Houston, we have a blender
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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