her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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