her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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