OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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