we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize