Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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