i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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