You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
