i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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