i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
