I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
