someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
