Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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