My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I should be sponsored by Trojan
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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