After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize