I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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