How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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