The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
