I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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