So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
