I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
