my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
