i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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