If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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