If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
