i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
