my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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