the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
