Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
